Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
