tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
