3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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