Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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