This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
