remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
