oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
