what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
