It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
