oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
