i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
