Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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