my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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