my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
