I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
