it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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