Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
