Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
