I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
