If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
not ubering you a puppy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize