I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
