I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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