Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
