Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
