dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
