haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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