Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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