that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
