I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
