Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
