I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
