she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
