we're blogging at a bar
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
