I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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