Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
