some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
