Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link

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  (440): And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link http://tfl.nu/gvkq
  Replies (9) Good night (829) Bad night (1927)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick

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  (910): I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick http://tfl.nu/ykrr
  Replies (23) Good night (619) Bad night (5652)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Sorry- wrong number! :)

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  (260): I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier. (260): Sorry- wrong number! :) http://tfl.nu/1604
  Replies (18) Good night (1509) Bad night (4884)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.

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  (270): you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it. http://tfl.nu/hzy8
  Replies (33) Good night (12662) Bad night (771)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead

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  (407): She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead http://tfl.nu/h0ei
  Replies (12) Good night (4553) Bad night (1330)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?

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  (704): I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right? http://tfl.nu/ljg3
  Replies (13) Good night (1060) Bad night (3765)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.

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  (215): I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did. http://tfl.nu/l0um
  Replies (22) Good night (3722) Bad night (918)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

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  (630): If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus. http://tfl.nu/iii0
  Replies (15) Good night (1487) Bad night (5308)
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  (949): View more from California

  Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.

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  (949): Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices. http://tfl.nu/flw8
  Replies (6) Good night (3190) Bad night (1240)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.

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  (770): Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes. http://tfl.nu/g4xy
  Replies (24) Good night (2842) Bad night (733)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs

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  (970): Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs http://tfl.nu/ag8n
  Replies (6) Good night (808) Bad night (456)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

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  (910): Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down. (803): Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you. http://tfl.nu/a5n4
  Replies (8) Good night (1753) Bad night (742)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical

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  (614): you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical http://tfl.nu/syu3
  Replies (6) Good night (1511) Bad night (509)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?

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  (706): It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from? http://tfl.nu/d0ez
  Replies (7) Good night (1168) Bad night (343)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.

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  (907): Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless. http://tfl.nu/ncqk
  Replies (9) Good night (412) Bad night (1847)

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