I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?