Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity

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  (847): just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity http://tfl.nu/hbyg
  Replies (7) Good night (1577) Bad night (1890)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.

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  (218): it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger. http://tfl.nu/p87j
  Replies (10) Good night (6012) Bad night (1289)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker

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  (304): please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker http://tfl.nu/hr9i
  Replies (15) Good night (1275) Bad night (4173)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed

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  (575): shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed http://tfl.nu/vpxa
  Replies (11) Good night (1778) Bad night (2896)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.

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  (614): Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child. http://tfl.nu/h3yl
  Replies (22) Good night (3562) Bad night (962)
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  (714): View more from California

  im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me

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  (714): im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me http://tfl.nu/k37i
  Replies (8) Good night (3553) Bad night (761)
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  (562): View more from California

  Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.

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  (562): Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek. http://tfl.nu/3lde
  Replies (7) Good night (3943) Bad night (1362)
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  (323): View more from California

  Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.

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  (323): Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl. http://tfl.nu/6wl6
  Replies (32) Good night (2241) Bad night (4281)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again

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  (979): Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again http://tfl.nu/ae74
  Replies (5) Good night (2894) Bad night (890)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy

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  (217): I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy http://tfl.nu/0wt3
  Replies (5) Good night (1634) Bad night (636)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you said candy land and then passed out.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.

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  (215): you said candy land and then passed out. (215): ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/gx08
  Replies (8) Good night (2997) Bad night (550)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms

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  (440): i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms http://tfl.nu/a43l
  Replies (4) Good night (691) Bad night (892)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere

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  (248): I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere http://tfl.nu/d1lq
  Replies (7) Good night (605) Bad night (1273)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting

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  (303): Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting http://tfl.nu/here
  Replies (3) Good night (935) Bad night (336)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...

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  (253): Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt... http://tfl.nu/dcgj
  Replies (14) Good night (245) Bad night (361)

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