The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.