Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
