I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
seriously i just wanna be friends
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.