apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper