oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
