Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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