Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
