just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
