OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
