you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
