so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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