you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
