Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
