at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
