dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
