tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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