Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize