sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
