remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
