u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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