Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
