i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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