I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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