so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
