I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
