Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
