Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
